mini

nightmare at 35 thousand ft

working in the airline industry accidents and fatal crashes are a more likely (though very few and far between) possibility for me than for the common american. They're not something i fear or dread when i go to work. and i have never worried that my pilots may not be capable of handling the weather or some technical mishap. for some reason though, i had my first nightmare about crashing while napping onboard a jetblue A-320. i was heading towards Seattle after working the red-eye to new york and thought i'd try to rest while i had the down time.

the dream:
I am dead heading on a virgin flight in which one of my friends is working the lead position (first class flight attendant). i am sitting on the right side of the aircraft in an aisle seat when the captain calls from the flight deck. "prepare for an emergency landing, brace positions." he tells my friend. she is afraid and overwhelmed so i move from my seat to the jump seat (flight attendant chair near the exit) next to her and tell her that i will handle the front right door so that she can focus on just one door as opposed to two. she is crying, though trying not to and her emotion makes me tear up as we descend faster and faster towards the ground. suddenly both she and i are not on a virgin flight but non-reving (non revenue) on a delta flight sitting on the right hand side of the plane in the aisle and middle seat. as the ground nears i try to shout my commands to the passengers to put their heads down and to stay down for the impending landing but because i am ill i can only croak out the words and so i stop yelling and try to clear my throat. this makes my friend stop yelling to look at me, and because the delta commands and our commands are different, in confusion the delta flight attendants have stopped yelling. i try to shout my commands again and when i do a man across the aisle gets angry and shouts to me that he knows he needs to be in brace position and to stop yelling at him. i look out the window and see that we are about to crash into the airport parking lot. as we slide across the space people and cars cannot get out of the way, we slam into them and keeping sliding under an overpass, the plane is torn open two rows in front of me by a pylon i can hear the metal all around me screeching under the stress of the crash. we keep sliding and for some reason the cabin is restored and everyone is silent still hunched over in brace position. we're not slowing down but we're not speeding up and i can hear ATC over the radio trying to contact the pilots, they don't answer. thinking that they are incapacitated i make my way to the front of the still moving plane and force my way into the flight deck. the pilots are there, just lounging back in their seats with their arms crossed behind their head. i yell at them "can't you hear ATC? they want you to brake!" they both look at me like 'oh, i didn't realize we were skidding out of control!' they brake and we slow down..

then i wake up in a cabin full of newyorkers and seattlites with two hours left until we land. it left me time to think about possible meanings and if its true that things in your subconscious are reversed and if it meant that i will be the one freaking out and crying.. i decided that its bullshit, i won't cry. i will be strong and lead those around me to safety. i still wonder why i had the dream. i have talked to a few flight attendants who have been in the industry for a long time. they say that we've had an airline accident every month for nearly the past 6 months which is uncommon and though there aren't any connection between accidents it still sits uncomfortably in our stomachs.

not my forte

i am so sorry. i always knew that i was no good at keeping in touch with friends and family but lets add bad at journaling to the mix as well. i guess it doesnt help that i dont have internet at home and the erratic nature of traveling every day may have something to do with it. i do have two paper notebooks that i write in nearly every day; the lined one has pictures, business cards, flyers and postcards taped to the pages and accompanying notes, the blank one is for free writing in the morning. ooh and i just bought a roll of sumi-e paper that i have begun to do a daily draw in. just one big continuous drawing, for when im home in newyork.

... cant think of anything else to add to that.. at the moment my brain is switching over to sleep mode without me..

happy time and a half day

i am working on thanksgiving and on christmas this year. im not sure how to feel about it. i will eventually get to go home and visit my family towards new years but im missing out on two major family events. new years means nothing to me but it happens to coincide with my sister being home from germany and is the day before my vacation days. since im without family this year ive dubbed both holidays time and a half day. it is my little bit of consolation. my much needed prize for putting work before family.. someday this will be unacceptable but i suppose for now its a smarter strategic move. new york is expensive and if i want to move into a new apt i am going to need first months rent, security, finders fees and last months rent.. not to mention something leftover for utilities and transportation and food.
(im rationalizing but not feeling any clearer)

so happy time and a half day, i hope youre spending your time with your families, feel a little extra love so that i can vicariously live a normal life through you.

headsets and layovers

the thing about headsets:
i had my first complaint made against me this past trip. i am very sad. the guest had asked me for headphones like half of them do so i replied with the answer that is true and honest. "i'm sorry, headphones are for sale at the gate and we do not have any available onboard the aircraft." to which he replied something like " well the Other flight attendants said they would look to see if they had any and i saw some up in first class."
well.. what do i say to that? oh ok i'll run up to first class and steal a pair from someone who paid twice as much as you to sit up there and get everything for free? i dont think so. so i politely replied with something like this " in first class they get the headphones complimentary. and we dont carry extra onboard because we have no way to sell them, i know we have none because i have already checked for other passengers. i paused to see if he had anything else to say, then when he didnt, i apologized again and turned to make sure the rest of the cabin was secure and answer the same questions about headphones and blankets and pillows. i didnt give it any more thought because, and if youre a fa you know, we have to tell so many people about headphones and other items on the plane that it becomes a routine. but this gentleman was MAD at me. and throughout the entire flight i had no clue. part way through the flight he came up to the other main cabin fa and told her that i was mean to him and that i didnt give him headphones that i said i cant help you and walked away. the sad part about this is that he didnt tell me that he was upset, and she didnt either. so i couldnt placate him or turn his frown upside down because no one let me know that there was an angry man onboard! as we landed and he left, the guest said out loud while passing my lead and my captain "tell stephanie thanks for nothing." which really hurt my feelings. my lead had no idea what was going on and neither did i, my capt said the guy was just being a jerk and told me not to worry about it. and it took an entire crew to come together and figure out who he was and why he was so mad at me. turns out during the flight someone in first class gave up his headphones for one reason or another so my lead gave them to the guest who had asked all of us for headphones. this probably made me look like i just didnt want to give him what he wanted. which is why he would be mad at me. it isnt the case though, i dont have the ability to conjure up whatever will make you happy, if i did i wouldnt be a flight attendant i would be a UN humanitarian worker. im still upset about it because even on my tired days i have never snapped at a guest or have been what may be construed at intentionally mean to a guest. and i have to agree with my capt that the man was being a jerk, couldnt even come up to me in the 5 hours we had in the air to discuss his feelings of neglect or anger.

let it be, just let it be

layovers:
SFO: the best authentic mexican food is Taco Luis on broadway in burlingame. its located in a little asian grocery store and is fantastic to run to and pick up a burrito to take with you on the plane.
LAX: manhattan beach is the greatest escape from the airport and frustrated passengers. i love to lay out in the sand,watch surfers, play in the waves and occasionally watch dolphins hunt along the shore. you can take the trolley from the strip of hotels roundtrip $3.
IAD: our hotel is situated just right. there is a mall that you can kill time and money in, a movie theater and pubs and restaurants, borders is located in the same parking lot, then behind the hotel is a shopping center with target, books a million, michaels and Don Pablos.

glamour revolution

i found these great images of flight attendants from the 60's and 70's. sometimes i wish i could where a mini dress and "these boots were made for walking" power boots. *sigh* alot has changed. most flight attendants i see now a days look frumpy, a bit like postal workers rather than these flirtatious young women with the world at their fingertips. Theyre jet-lagged and impatient.

sometimes i like to visualize that i AM back in the era when airplanes had bars and pianos to entertain guests. it makes me feel a bit more glamorous and puts me in a good head space before i set out in my high heels and pencil skirt. the industry needs a revolution! a fun inducing glamour revolution. all planes should have great names like our two named "jefferson airplane" and "air colbert". i want to name one "bringin' sexy back". i would love to see a plane with more space and a layout more condusive to socializing and enjoying the ride rather than the sardine cans that most airlines use. it should look like a swanky lounge.. with seatbelts! it should be like an austin powers, soul plane, luxury bus. and guests should dress for it just as if they were going to some nice lounge after work to meet up with friends and cute coworkers. Haha! these pictures are great, the one above is my plane and the one to the left is soul plane. the one below is a better layout that the entire plane should have, not just first class, im not sure which airline this is, but i'm glad someone is going in that direction!

So you've moved on?

I was excited to go camping this weekend. I would get to leave my new rapid transit life in New York and return to the mountains and river of my college years for a little spiritual retreat amongst the sage growing wild. But instead i traveled 3000 miles to be super ill and return to my life as a college student with alcohol and local drama instead of mountains and sagebrush.

even though it was nice to see everyone it really made me question how much i have changed since leaving and if i am better for it.
i felt frustrated all weekend. at myself. at my friends. at the town because there is something about it that transforms great people into people with potential. doers into talkers and planners who never actually follow through on their ideas.

it was during this weekend that it struck me; i must have grown up a little more without realizing it. i was so completely finished with this scene. with the talking and not doing. and chatting about what had happened with who. with the drinking and the smoking. i love my old college buddies dearly but i've already left them behind and grown a foot and a half of green branches and leaves.

i'm now more of who i wanted to be then. i wanted to travel so now i travel. i wanted to see and do things that for the past 4 years ive been only thinking about and now i am. i'm more decisive and proactive about what is happening in my life. i'm done with the indecisive, broke, flakey, dreamer that i was and that some of my friends still think i am.

i'm done, i'm gone, i'm already present in tomorrow.